Monday, June 12, 2006
I can no longer stay silent...
Please help this hootchie as she makes her way in the world. Guide her as she shops at Target, show her that mini skirts and tissue tanks are not made for ugly pregnant women. Teach her about white after labor day, and that the flip flops with the four inch lift are so 2003. If it is in your heart, will you please educate her about Oxy 10, covering the Mom boobs, wearing shoes at dirty gas stations and those cool backwards backpacks that let you hold your baby hands free.
If you do this for me God, I promise never to try and dress up as Daisy Duke for Halloween, interchange the words 'White Trash' for 'Country' or pump my fists and sing out loud to Bon Jovi's 'Living on a Prayer'.
Bless us with this request O. Lord. Whatever it takes to make the world a little better and hear 'Oops I Did it Again' without picturing a pregnant and barefoot Britney making chicken pot pies for her ugly ass, no-good, free-wheeling, sexually potent husband.
A big PS... I will consider a life of celibacy if you just get her to spit the gum out