Sunday, June 11, 2006

Packing Day, Part Two

That possible bout with serenity, it didn’t last long. I asked my best friend to help me figure out what to write about. She cut me off before I was able to finish my question

"You’re writing for a blog called Three New York Women? I don’t know…”

Now that was one thought I did have.

“Lion- no offense, but you’re a journalist and I know you like to be accurate- do you really think it’s appropriate to call yourself a Woman?”

Another thought I had.

“Maybe you should talk to this Sober person, see if she'll rethink the title a little bit...”

We sat and pondered. Three New York Gals? Three New York Females? Two New York Women and One Almost A Woman But Kind of Still A Girl?

“Or maybe, Lion, maybe you are a Woman. And maybe you’re just really bad at it.”

Yeah, right. I’m no Woman. My best friend is right, and it’s just a matter of time before everyone else figures me out, too.

“Hey, no big deal. You’ll probably figure it out someday.”

Fuck. I’ll never figure it out. I’ll be the one in a short dress while all the Women are in elegant gowns. In social situations, I will have to poke my date under the table and ask him to explain the joke that everyone else is laughing at. I’ll never be comfortable with my feet crossed at the ankles, and everyone will stare as I sit Indian-style in chairs.

“Lion, don’t worry about it. Your mom and I will help you. I’m sure you’ll grow up soon.”

But at this point, it’s too late. I’m worrying. I’m back. My mind is running, and it’s familiar and comfortable. I notice, though, that my shoulders are a little tenser and my eyes are a little heavier. I long, a little, for that fleeting feeling I had- that momentary glimpse of serenity. Hopefully it will come back to me soon. I’m a little concerned, though. I’d like it to come back, but I’m not sure if it will. I’m getting worried.

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posted by Lion @ 6/11/2006 12:49:00 PM |

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