How funny and obnoxious is “The Sarah Silverman Show?”

I find her selfish comments amusing, like when she took in a homeless man out of jealousy toward the cop who won a humanitarian award. When she’s singing, and the homeless man chimes in, she cuts him off by whispering, “This isn’t a duet.”

Labels: Noelle

"School For Scoundrels" with "Napoleon Dynamite" star Jon Heder

"Napoleon Dynamite" is back - Jon Heder stars in the role of Roger, who takes over a class for losers. The concept of a class that turns weak men into "lions" who can conquer women and achieve their dreams reminds me of "The Game," the controversial book by Neil Strauss that is packaged to resemble the Bible with a black leather cover with pages trimmed in gold. Whether or not this film is a parody of "The Game," the comedic timing of "School For Scoundrels" was successful due to good acting and physcial humor, including the scene when Jon Heder removed his clothes at the pool and revealed a ghost-white body. His look makes him perfect for the part of the nerd, which he hams up just like he did in "Napoleon Dynamite."

Labels: Books, Film, Noelle

It's a book-turned-movie-deal that rivals "Bridget Jones' Diary."

"The Devil Wears Prada" is an even closer approximation. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, authors Helen Fielding and Lauren Weisberger can pat themselves on the backs as first the novel "Because She Can" by Bridie Clark is released and now "Devil In The Junior League" signs Jennifer Garner to produce the film version and possibly star in it.

There are great characters to play:

*a spoiled, selfish debutante who invests her father's money in shoes and sweater sets (and, to be fair, runs an art gallery, even if it's losing money) but is robbed and abandoned by her husband

*a rough-around-the-edges divorce lawyer who takes her case in exchange for making his trashy wife Nikki a member of the Junior League, a charity group that is still invitation-only in this fictional Texas town (In actuality, the Junior League is no longer the closed netwoek of ladies who lunch. Females who want to do volunteer work and fundraise are welcome to join and give back to the community. Today, many are career women)

*Nikki, the poor girl who married new money, still wears leopard print and thinks it's a good idea to spike people's drinks

Jennifer Garner Joins 'Devil In The Junior League'

Jennifer Garner will produce and possibly star in the film "Devil In The Junior League." The movie, based on a novel by Linda Francis Lee, will revolve around a stuffy Southern socialite whose husband disappears with another woman and her fortune.

The woman turns to a lawyer who agrees to take on her case in exchange for helping his gaudy, less-than appropriate wife become a society lady who can gain entry into the Junior League, a women's educational and charitable organization.

It is not known whether Garner is likely to play the socialite or the woman in need of a makeover.

Labels: Books, Celebrity, Noelle

V is for VALENTINE'S DAY

My friend hosted a Cookie Baking Party on Sunday with a Valentine's Day theme. To get in the spirit, we discussed love in the Big Apple. A couple of girls asked if I thought living in NY makes people neurotic. As we all know, neurotic is not a good quality when dating. Plenty of females think that Manhattan men are neurotic. Others will say that the women become neurotic too. Neurotic about body image (Why do some people still care about being the thinnest in the room?), neurotic about fashion (Why do people care about having the most expensive clothes in the room?), neurotic about career (Why do some think their paycheck defines their personal worth?), neurotic about marriage/kids (Why do some people care who gets married 1st, who has kids 1st, or who has kids in the best pre-K program?)

I said it yesterday and I'll say it again. NY does not make you neurotic unless you let it. It IS possible to have a healthy relationship there. Not easy, but possible. There are endless temptations in The City That Never Sleeps Yet Somehow Sleeps With Your Boyfriend. If you refuse to buy into all the advertising lies ("What? I won't become perfect from drinking cans of Red Bull and bottles of Stoli Vanilla?? What about the new Bailey's Caramel Irish Cream?"), then it is possible to live happily ever after in New York. Unless you re-kindle a penchant for the suburbs.

Out of the hustle and bustle, many of you are probably enjoying a quiet Valentine's Day.
For those of us paying $200 for a $70 dinner because it is February 14, well, consider it a small price to pay for timely and romantic atmosphere. Plus there's all the people-watching and free entertainment that occurs every day on the cold, windy sidewalks where millions of footsteps make their marks.

This is a warning to New Yorkers (neurotic or not): Start making reservations soon - next year's Valentine's Day is around the corner, so secure some seats before every restaurant books up.
And if you make a heart shaped cookie, don't forget to check on it and err on the side of caution. You wouldn't want your own heart to get burned, would you?

Labels: Boy Stories, Noelle, Valentine's Day

Miss America and What Miss America was Missing

Labels: Noelle

"Posh," a novel by Lucy Jackson

Do you ever read a book where each chapter is from a different character’s point of view and you find yourself only reading the chapters about the 2 characters that interest you?

Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this. I did it with “Posh,” a well-crafted book about an elite high school in Manhattan. There’s a glamorous mother who is self-admittedly “cold.” When her son Michael gets accepted at Harvard, she thinks of hugging him, but she doesn’t move and neither does he and what could have been a special moment becomes nothing.

Julianne has the perfect boyfriend in Michael: he’s handsome, Harvard-bound and…manic-depressive (not so perfect after all). Her friends stop envying her as Michael’s mood swings get ugly. He has breakdowns when he doesn’t take his medicine. He cries and tells her, “You can’t leave me. I need you,” effectively blackmailing her emotions and manipulating her into staying. Even when she sees him as nothing more than a problem, she’d feel guilty if she left him. So she lies to her mom and dutifully supports Michael. Her friends have an intervention to tell her she’s not his wife and doesn’t owe him such loyalty. But her youth also makes her destructive behavior believable, and it’s beautifully written by Lucy Jackson (listed in the back of the book as a pseudonymous for an acclaimed short story writer and novelist).

But I skipped every chapter devoted to the character that rubbed me the wrong way, in this case, the school's headmistress who is cheating on her husband. Please tell me I'm not alone in playing favorites like this.

Labels: Noelle

Film Review: “The Good Shepherd” with Matt Damon, Angelina Jolie and Robert DeNiro

“The Good Shepherd” is a powerful film with a strong cast, secrets, twists and historical background on the rise of the CIA. Reminiscent of “Ocean’s Eleven” and “The Departed,” it featured Matt Damon surrounded by an array of Oscar winners. Robert DeNiro, Alec Baldwin, William Hurt and Joe Pesci gave smooth performances as did Damon’s CIA-agent character, a quiet workaholic forced to marry Angelina Jolie. Surely it took all of Damon’s skills to convince us that living with her equaled torture.

One striking element in this film is the eye contact between Damon and the boy who plays his son. Damon chooses country over family and the neglect of his young boy creates heartbreaking tension as his son gazes at him with hatred, his questions unanswered, his chin trembling, and his eyes on the brink of tears, as mine also were several times during the 160 minutes in the theatre.

Jolie did a marvelous job of biting her tongue as the role of unwanted wife required. No doubt her reputation will improve with this sympathetic portrayal of a neglected beauty who devotes her life to being a mother. Secret societies abound in the plot, from the Skull & Crossbones to the CIA to Yale University (which, these days, is just as hard to get in).

Twists and turns take the storyline in unexpected directions and I sat on the edge of my seat for the entire film. The question of patriotism comes into play along with sacrifice. What values supersede family?

Set mainly around war (World War II and the Bay of Pigs fiasco), the film offers a behind-the-scenes look at history unfolding. By the time Jolie asks, “What are you going to do? Save the world?” the audience is confident that Damon’s character will do just that. But at what price?

“The Good Shepherd” is a universally entertaining film about espionage that appeals to both genders. It made me laugh, wipe my eyes, close my eyes (when an enemy was tortured) and bite my nails. The genre is drama; the rating is R.

Labels: Celebrity, Film, Noelle, review

For Writers

"Miss Snark" is the New York literary agent who blogs anonymously to prevent more writers from wasting her time and embarassing themselves by being ignorant of the publishing world. Check out the above link for her entertaining contest. She is now publicly tearing apart book ideas from the 700 people who emailed her yesterday. See what the average day is like for a literary agent. Out of 700, maybe 30 writers will be asked to submit the first page of their book. Out of those 30, maybe 5 will be asked to send the rest of the first chapter. Out of those 30, maybe 4 will be asked to send the whole book. Out of those 4, I expect that between 0 and 4 will get representation. Not that getting published is competitive or anything.

Labels: Noelle

Funny Holiday Letters

I hope the following satires make you laugh:

Dear Friend,

It is that time of year again to share with you our adventures in this journey we call life. 2000 has been another year of magic and wonder... Lori almost 3, is quite a talker. She continues to amaze the professors at the University with her intuition in foreign languages. It was fun for her to serve as Official Translator for Warren Christopher at the Bosnian-Serbian Peace Talks. She intends to spend this Holiday transcribing War and Peace into Arabic and Cantonese.

Chris, now 5, is growing in leaps and bounds. When he got his first set of building blocks he seemed quite interested in large buildings. This year he designed his first skyscraper and ground was broken in Hong Kong for the new "Little Man" Towers. It is great to have a budding architect at home as he made a new addition to the house and a wonderful gazebo for our garden. Martha Stewart will be filming her next show here in April.

Betsy had a very busy year. In between her work as President of the American Cancer Society and Senior Partner of Goldman Sachs, she introduced a line of children's novels and hand made active-wear. She remains occupied with the children and has introduced them to Yoga and power walking this year.

We are particularly proud of Mom as a starting forward representing the United States in the World Cup. Dave was immersed with his Graduate School studies, and managed to co-author a paper on Multidimensional Customer Attribute Analysis by Conjoint Survey and accept a Nobel Prize for his discoveries in Quantum Physics. Along the way Dave took three startups through their IPO. We are proud of his work serving on the Board of Directors of IBM, Coca-Cola, and Walt Disney. Dad was also active with the kids teaching Lauren Ballet and helping to lower Chris' handicap to 5.

We were able to squeeze a little traveling in this year. We started in Aspen, went to Belarus, the Congo, Denmark, Ethiopia, the Falklands, Greenland, Holland, Italy, Japan, Korea, Malaysia, New Zealand, Venezuela, and Zaire. Our trip sailing our new boat around the world was a great experience for the kids, we learned to communicate with Dolphins and discovered a new region of deep water volcanoes. And Sergeant, our German shepherd, learned to speak. Latin. Other than that, it was a very quiet year. So from our household to yours, all the Blessings of the Season and may your New Year be prosperous. We found out yesterday that we won the $150 Million Powerball Lottery.
The Wannabes,Betsy, Dave, Chris & Lori

Hi Erma,
This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell you what I have been up to.Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold leaf, got out my loom, and made a blanket in peaches and mauves. Then to make the sled complete, I made a white horse to pull it, from DNA that I had just sitting around in my craft room.By then, it was time to start making the place mats and napkins for my 20 breakfast guests. I'm serving the old standard Stewart twelve- course breakfast, but I'll let you in on a little secret: I didn't have time to make the tables and chairs this morning, so I used the ones I had on hand. Before I moved the table into the dining room, I decided to add just a touch of the holidays. So I repainted the room in pinks and stenciled gold stars on the ceiling. Then, while the homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle molds and made the dishes (exactly the same shade of pink) to use for breakfast. These were made from Hungarian clay, which you can get at almost any Hungarian craft store.Well, I must run. I need to finish the buttonholes on the dress I'm wearing for breakfast. I'll get out the sled and drive this note to the post office as soon as the glue dries on the envelope I'll be making. Hope my breakfast guests don't stay too long, I have 40,000 cranberries to string with bay leaves before my speaking engagement at noon. It's a good thing.

Love, Martha Stewart
P.S. When I made the ribbon for this typewriter, I used 1/8-inch gold gauze. I soaked the gauze in a mixture of white grapes and blackberries, which I grew, picked, and crushed last week just for fun.

Dear Martha,
I'm writing this on the back of an old shopping list, pay no attention to the coffee and jelly stains. I'm 20 minutes late getting my daughter up for school, packing a lunch with one hand, on the phone with the dog pound, seems old Ruff needs bailing out, again.Burnt my arm on the curling iron when I was trying to make those cute curly fries, how DO they do that?Still can't find the scissors to cut out some snowflakes, tried using an old disposable razor ... trashed the tablecloth. Tried that cranberry thing, frozen cranberries mushed up after I defrosted them in the microwave.Oh, and don't use Fruity Pebbles as a substitute in that Rice Krispie snowball recipe, unless you happen to like a disgusting shade that resembles puke!The smoke alarm is going off, talk to ya later.
Love, Erma

Labels: Noelle

Holiday Letters

The above holiday letters made me laugh. However, as a writer and avid reader, I enjoy reading holiday letters and I appreciate the fact that people wrote more than "Dear Noelle" and "From ___". Some letters do brag, but some are just from people who are proud of their families. If they're your friends, they deserve the benefit of the doubt! I am always happy for my friends when they travel, do volunteer work, earn awards or have children working hard and earning honors. Some recipients of holiday letters complain too much. Friends who send holiday letters are easy targets of gossip, but didn't we already graduate from 6th grade?

Wouldn't you complain even more if friends sent you negative notes about how life is grim and 2007 is bound to be even worse and anyone who thinks the year will be joyful is a fool?

Just making a point. The tone of a letter can be misinterpreted as bragging since you can't hear the person's voice or see his or her expression. Maybe your friends ARE egotistical jerks, but then what does that say about YOU? Is it possible that the complainers are overly-judgmental? Maybe the letter writers are just excited to share a few good things that happened to them. In a whole year, there's bound to be something to be grateful for. If complainers took a minute to reflect upon their lives, they might find things to be grateful for too. They might -gasp!- even be inspired to share their thoughts in the form of a holiday letter.

BEFORE YOU SEAL THE HOLIDAY LETTER:
Watch whom you send it to - some "friends" do NOT have the ability to be proud of you or happy for you. They may criticize your letter in conversation...or on the Internet! Needless to say, these are not friends, they are disloyal, possibly jealous, probably insecure acquaintances you should remove from your list and if possible, your life.

Does anyone agree that we can support the people around us rather than attack them?

That said, the satire letters above are still worth reading. They gave me a good laugh.

Labels: Noelle

Funny Beach Reads

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Belize Trip and Books to Bring

New Yorkers seem to need vacations more than anyone. In midtown, for example, stress escalates just from walking down the street and ordering coffee amidst a long line of impatient caffeine addicts. So I’m proud to be on a trip right now. Southern Belize is a nice change from the East Coast of America in December.

I sit on the beach at Hamanasi, a scuba-diving resort. I want something funny to read. If you ever find yourself in this situation, I whole-heartedly recommend Jane Green’s “The Other Woman,” a laugh out loud tale of the mother-in-law from hell. We’re talking about a woman who crosses all the boundaries you don’t want crossed. The term “Control Freak” is hereby redefined. Enjoy it. For once, a story about the “other woman” refers to the guy’s flesh and blood, his manipulative mother. If you’re like me, you’ll be shocked and entertained.

Labels: Noelle

Hey, Look - No Wires!

by Noelle Ashley

Tech support is INCREDIBLE for the Wireless-G Broadband Router. When I couldn’t get online (a USB adapter I plugged into my laptop disconnected my Wireless Router) I called Linksys and found the most knowledgeable person who was patient, nice and effective in getting me online. I’m thrilled to report I’m online right now – and it’s wireless. Nothing beats the 800 help lines that have short waits and amazing service. Thank you, Cisco Linksys! And Happy Holidays to all. Hope you enjoyed some turkey and pumpkin pie.

Labels: Noelle

Now that I Interview for College Admissions

by Noelle Ashley

Exactly 10 years since my college interview for Columbia and almost 6 years since I graduated, it’s time for me to fill a different pair of shoes. Now I will be the one interviewing high school students. At that age, I was hopeful and hard-working, but today we hear about the dark side of ambition: overzealous parents compromising their children into lying and cheating their way to the increasingly competitive top tier. Newly published books reflect a world gone mad, with Alexandra Robbins’ “Overachievers: The Secret Lives of Driven Kids” and Madeline Levine’s “The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Deeply Unhappy Kids,” both which document a physical, psychological, and emotional toll on teenagers today. Novels like "Glamorous Disasters" by Harvard 2001 graduate Eliot Shrefer show the potential for impropriety: Park Avenue parents bribing an Ivy-League-educated tutor to take the SATs for their party boy son for $100,000. News stories on cheating suggest that morals are fading.




But not all applicants will make eye contact and list false achievements to make the cut. Teenagers are surprisingly honest and down-to-earth when face-to-face. There have been cases of young plagiarists admitting that a parent forged this or that to give their application an edge. Perhaps the child knows that it's wrong, fears getting caught, doesn't really want to attend the college or wants to punish a controlling mother/father. Students who confess such a truth would lose points for performance, but ironically, the same person may gain points for character.

The character of the interviewer is another story. Now that Congressional leaders, teachers and priests have been inappropriate with teens, there is a suspicion toward college interviewers as well. The elderly man who interviewed me in 1996 invited me into his living room. He questioned me intellectually and made no physical advances, but my mother was not allowed in the room. Due to concerned parents, the Admissions Office now wants all interviews held in "neutral places," like offices, coffee shops or diners. I don't blame parents for protecting their kids. I applaud their request to guarantee safety by having college interviews outside of a stranger's home. You just never know.

There are other rules as well. You can't interview students in your child's grade, for the obvious reasons. You can't ask anything that is out of line. Future contact must remain professional.

It's that time of year: interview season. So why not call your alma mater, tell them when you graduated and ask to take part in this year's College Admissions process? You'll be glad you did.

Labels: Noelle

HAPPY HALLOWEEN - Thanksgiving's around the bend

Forget pumpkin smashing and shaving cream this year. Watch out for PIE THROWING.

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Bad news for Americans

By Noelle Ashley

What if your next job search comes up with “VP Wanted – Name your lowest possible salary” and people posted online their minimum salaries and someone desperate for health insurance got the job for $20,000/year? Is that where we’re headed?

This struck me after I saw such a website. It posts jobs like “I need a 40 page report on the steel industry,” and writers compete to do it for the least amount money. So far it’s down to $10. That’s $2.40 a page. What if the next bidder offers to work for a penny a page?

The site is http://www.ifreelance.com/. What a terrible concept for writers and readers alike. Talk about victims of cheaper labor.

Labels: Noelle

Replacements

by Noelle Ashley

The iconic NY bar CBGBs has closed. It got me thinking about my favorite places that are gone and what I can do to replace them. I am a NYer who cherishes all the places that make the city feel like home.
Le Cirque…the French restaurant where I celebrated my graduation from Columbia - delicious dinner and then a chocolate place of varied chocolate desserts.
Alain Ducasse offers a magnifique alternative. While Le Cirque was in the NY Palace Hotel which still has its hip 2nd floor bar, but Alain Ducasse is in the Essex House, the hotel on Central Park with a piano lounge.
Pangaea…the celeb-filled nightclub where I drank huge glass bottles of Voss water in between mixed drinks. I hate vodka and champagne, which my friends would order by the bottle. We’d walk right in, despite the line, after dinner at Butter (next door), Baraonda (upper east side Brazilian spot) or the celeb-owned ManRay, after drinks at Lotus, Bungalow 8 or Suite 16 (8th Ave/16th St.) Joonbug.com and other party photographers took our pictures. Once I posed by wrapping myself up in the curtains hanging from the ceiling and peeking out. Sometimes we danced on the padded bench of seats around our table, our backs against the wall and the antlers protruding from the wall – does anyone else remember the antlers? (I do because there’s a photo where the antlers are right over my head.)
Marquee filled that void. I went there with my friend Carolina and the bouncer almost made us pay. I think he said $30 and we should be grateful since most people don’t get in. We hadn’t used any of our connections to get on a guest list that night, and we weren’t dressed to kill, but we sure were dressed to get in for free. Our sophisticated selves had skipped the line, and the cover charge, at every exclusive place in NY – and then some. We stood there in shock until a guy stepped out to use his phone…on his way back in, he said we were with his party so the bouncer ended up letting us in for free anyway. Has anyone else had this happen? Does Marquee make females pay the cover charge?
Windows on the World… I miss this restaurant where I had one dinner, one lunch and many nights in its bar, Top of the World. Superlative views.
After Sept. 11 closed Windows on the World, I sought out height in other skyscrapers. The Rainbow Room is very special, displaying the city skyline through thick glass. When I organized a cocktail party there, I lost my voice by the end of the night but enjoyed every second in the fancy ballroom.
What will replace CBGBs (http://www.newyorkcool.com/archives/2006/October/music-Patti-Smith-CBGB.htm)? I’ll take suggestions. Please write in your guesses. I never really went to this Lower East side bar, but I know I would if it hadn’t disappeared. Does anyone have memories of it you can post under Comments?
I am reassured by the parts of NY that will never close. The Metropolitan Opera, for example. It’s essential to enough people to last forever. The last performance I saw there was The Barber of Seville.
Another NY staple where I’ve seen the Met perform is Central Park, which holds free Opera Nights every summer. I saw Madame Butterfly while picnicking in Central Park with friends from my screenwriting class at Columbia.
At least I can sleep tonight knowing Central Park will never cease to exist.

What are some of your favorite places?
Ones that are gone and ones that would really upset you if they closed?

Labels: Noelle