Friday, July 08, 2005
Fate in the NYC train
The rain comes down in Manhattan. I cannot believe how time goes by in this city. It just disappears in a gust of wind, forcing me to look at the present moment, for it is all I have. Last week, inspired by Sober in the City to go on a friend-making campaign, I decided to invite L and S to see a modern dance show. L and S sat with their mouths open as a couple of women did magical and extraordinarily abstract things on stage; a dark background and dim lighting. This is what I call enjoying this city; actually choosing something exciting and going to it. I would have gone alone even. This is the magic of this city. If you go alone, no one judges you. In fact, I believe that if you don’t judge yourself, then no one will judge you. It is all in our heads. Let’s be free already.My first shows in New York were actually attended alone. But everything is temporary if I believe it to be so. If I believe I will be alone forever, then I will. I choose to believe that time periods alone are meant for learning about my true self, and that friends will emerge that will stay with me for the rest of my life. And a special man is sure to come. Maybe he already has…
That would be my Preffered-man: "N". N and I met as I have mentioned before, almost a year ago. He sat beside me on the ride from New York City to DC, during a week of vacation when I was still living in Mexico and had decided to go look for jobs in the USA. My father and I had cried together just before my trip. We both knew I wanted a big change in my life. We both knew I had gone through a lot. And we both wanted a bigger and better future for me, and he was willing to help me in any way he could. That is the support of a Mexican family. Thankfully I am an independent woman and only needed his moral support.
N asked to sit beside me. Fine with me. Sometimes things or people just arrive in your life, by simply wishing for them. And in this way N arrived. I wasn’t actively looking. He wasn’t my friend’s friend or acquaintance. He was a complete stranger. Yet we were best friends only a half hour after the beginning of our journey. I was a little hung over from the night before. I had seen some old friends in NYC. I was about to miss the train and even wished I did, since I had no desire to go to this nation's capital. Little did I know that the trip would make me see a major change in life.
My friend K back in Mexico told me how she imagined that the angels or spirits or whatever you want to call them up in the universe had probably devised ways for us to bump into each other at that very moment. “Move a little to your right, no, to your left, get on that car, now sit right there…stop! Stay where you are!”. After all, what were the chances of us taking the same train, at the same exact time, towards the same destination, and sitting next to each other!!! Especially since he was only visiting New York as well! What are the chances of ever even speaking to the person who sits beside you on any trip? Slim I say. This is why K insisted that some things just arrive because they must. The less we work at them, the easier they will become. This was a total change for me; after having a history of being a total control-freak. Especially where men were concerned.
I think there was a certain “lighter” aspect to me, like Milan Kundera’s description of lightness, but maybe in a more positive state; certainly a bearable one. I think lightness attracts lightness. Meaning, the less troubled I am, the more similar people will be attracted to me. I had been practicing my new state of being for a few months when N arrived. I was ready for an un-conflicted person in my life. And was I in for a trail of surprises!
Labels: Boy Stories, Mex
