Sunday, December 24, 2006

Gifts From My Mother's Friends

The Packaging:

"Sober! Oh sweetie how are you? So what are you doing now? Still working for the same firm? That's nice. Where are you living? Same place. That's nice. Are you seeing anyone? No one? Oh. Well that's nice. Well you remember my little Jimmy? You were his favorite babysitter. Well he's married now. He's having a baby. Can you believe it? That makes all the little kids you once babysat now married with kids of their own. Well if things don't work out in New York, you could babysit their kids now. Wouldn't that be fun? Good to see you. Best of luck in the New Year."

Directions for use:

Rinse. Lather. Repeat. About 300 times between December 20th and January 1.

If swallowed:

Remind self that while Jimmy works a job he hates to support the same woman he has to have sex with for the rest of his life while a baby screams in the next room, you are likely lying on a beach in the Caribbean, sipping virgin 'tinis with your girlies whilst reviewing the previous evenings debauchery and scanning the beach for tonight's conquest.

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posted by Pop Culture Casualty @ 12/24/2006 01:16:00 PM |


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