Thursday, May 18, 2006

[whimper]

You guys.

Remember how I was going to give some resolution on the Hottie matter? Yeah, not so much.

How long, oh Lord, how long before I get better at reading people?

Actually, scratch that. I read them well - it's just that I have such strong hopes, such a desire to connect with someone, such a certainty that charm, humor and intelligence will win over almost anyone, that the swelling romantic music in my head must drown out the warning bells.

You see my friends, I have been stood up this week. TWICE.

Ok, not stood up, exactly... perhaps "let down" is a better way of putting it.

So, during our last performance together, Hottie said that we should get drinks sometime the following week. I was happy, but cautious; Hottie had impulsively invited me to the movies during one rehearsal, only to bail immediately afterward without telling me. His only explanation when I called him, was that he just "had to get out of there" after a bad day. It almost seemed like he had forgotten his invitation. Who does that? Extends an invitation and forgets it two hours later?

This time, I was determined to wait for him to get in touch. Four days went by. Finally, I emailed him a flip message:

"A'ight, [Hottie] when do you want to get that drink? My calendar is filling up."

First, he said Monday. Then Thursday- he wasn't sure, but he would get back to me. It is now Thursday afternoon, and I haven't heard a thing. Obviously, I'm not shocked, but I am hurt. I thought we were becoming friends. It's disappointing that someone so gentle and sensitive could turn out to be so thoughtless.

***

So, after one performance, my friend The Divine Sara, her friend K and I went out to a local bar. The bartender, a tall and rather gorgeous fellow, was quite friendly and attentive. He turned out to be a math grad student at Columbia - hott. We stayed until after closing, chatting with him and eating the sushi K had brought me in lieu of flowers.
After we said our goodnights, K and Sara rounded on me, "Dude, he likes you. You should have invited him to the show!"

"Really?" I was genuinely surprised. "He's a bartender, I figured he was being nice so we would tip well. He didn't ask for my number..."

"Yes, but he kept asking when the show was and where and how long it was running."

So, a few days later, with more friends in tow, I went back. Once again, he was great company. I figured I had nothing to lose, so I scrawled my number on the back of a show flyer and handed it over to him. He looked at it a sec, then said, "I may call you anyway."

Bingo! I was thrilled. Sure enough, he texted - not a phone call, but it would do - a few days later, and invited me out to drinks. No specified day. I asked when. He suggested Monday (I'm beginning to think Monday is evil). I asked what time. That was Friday.

On Sunday night he texted again to say he had to work Monday after all but that he would be done at 11:30 PM. Not an ideal time for a first date, but I said ok and asked where.

On Monday at 9:15 PM he texted back to move the date to Wednesday, saying he had a stomach bug. I said ok and that I would wait to hear from him regarding time and place.

Wednesday night. I'm at a friend's benefit gala, volunteering and schmoozing and looking pretty great in a little aqua dress. No word from the Mathlete. I checked my phone once. Twice. Five times. Nothing.

I was having a great time at the party, but underneath, in a small locked box, I was pissed. And this morning I was still pissed. So, I sent him a text message:

"Yo, Leibnitz - I thought we were supposed to get drinks last night. Did you forget? Still sick?... Bueller?"

I'm sure most dating gurus would have told me to let these things go - that I might end up looking hysterical or undignified - but I don't think people should be allowed to get away with bad behavior. Politeness should be a given in dating - it's the people you already know and love who can get away with occasional crappy behavior, not semi-strangers. If you can't expect people who are trying to get into your pants to treat you well, then what's the point? Besides, why should I care what he thinks of me? He obviously can't think much, or he wouldn't have asked me out and then flaked - repeatedly.

I feel like my responses to the breaches in etiquette have been so warped by Rules and Catch Him and Keep Him- type bullshit that I hardly know how to deal with them. Plus, I'm honestly just not used to them, and newly appalled every time they happen. I can almost understand giving someone your number at a bar and then not choosing to return his call. I can't understand asking someone out - making actual plans - and then not following through on plans that YOU made. Why would you get yourself into that situation? Is it an Our-Generation Thing? A Everyone-in-New-York-is-Crazy-Busy Thing? Do I smell bad?

Any ideas? Anyone? Bueller?

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posted by Addy @ 5/18/2006 12:26:00 PM |

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